Life as a Middle Child

So about a year ago, I developed a very conscious suspicion that I have ADHD [or ADD], and wrote a blog about it [click here to read]. A month or two ago, I finally went to see a doctor (a psychologist at UCLA’s Counseling and Psychological Services) to get tested for the disorder. LONG story short, I tested positive. Wait, can I even say I tested positive for ADHD? The lingo sounds off. I make it sound like I contracted an STD.

Anyway, while that hasn’t happened yet, I’ve been sitting at my computer for nearly 5 hours trying to get work done, and I literally haven’t been able to do anything. Anything. I have a decent load of homework but I haven’t done anything. My time has been occupied with clicking through computer windows absentmindedly, listening to music, zoning out, randomly snapping back to reality, and thinking about how tired I am. In fact, I’m so underslept that I’ve gotten sick (I suspect I have bronchitis - again). And it’s a little sad that I’ve literally only studied twice in the past 5 weeks.

Honestly, it’s stressful and a little scary to feel like you have no control over yourself. To fear that something as minor as zoning out can get in the way of your academic success. And it bothers me that some people don’t take adult ADD seriously. I realize that procrastination is something every high school/college student faces (and happily wallows in), but I really feel like I’ve taken it to another level. It’s becoming a serious issue to me - it’s not just some disorder I pretended to have to get out of my dorm housing contract… although it came in handy.

I have a meeting with a psychiatrist in two weeks, and we’re going to discuss treatment methods. My psychologist gave me a book to read called “Driven to Distraction.” It discusses ways of dealing with ADD. I started reading it but couldn’t pay attention long enough to actually learn anything.

I’m at the point where I just want drugs. I’ve been strongly against ADHD medication (especially for myself), but after reading a Daily Bruin article about adderall, it doesn’t sound half bad. Whatever happens, I can’t continue on like this. I’m realizing that I’m a real person with a real problem, and I need a real solution - soon.